He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i came on her dog
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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