onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
