Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
