Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
