dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
