I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
