Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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