Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
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I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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