she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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