I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
