the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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