I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
