Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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