He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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