I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
