It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
