we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
