so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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