Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
