dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
