I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
