He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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