I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
