she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
