i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my poor anus
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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