you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm sobbing to NWA
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
