Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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