I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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