Are we in a gay sports bar?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
