So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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