Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
