chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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