i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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