I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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