May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.