Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate