It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard