There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass