bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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