I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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