Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
