I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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