I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
