I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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