he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
