I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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