The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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