you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
