Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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