I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize