Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
