Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
