Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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