how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
