i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
did i just pee glitter
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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