you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
