A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
