I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
