After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
a search helicopter?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
