Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
