My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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