found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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