I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
