yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
