You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
