oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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