I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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