So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
