is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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