she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
