Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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