When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Randomize
