I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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