Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
