we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
