Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
