I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
