i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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