A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
