I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
