Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he thought i was a dude.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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